I sipped my tea and looked up from my laptop. My beautiful little 9 year old was sitting across from me reading her book. We often have times like this. Just doing our thing in silence, not having to talk, enjoying each other’s presence in the room. I was reflecting on the idea of obstacles that prevent us from moving forward.
I smiled and thought, maybe she is ready to answer this question for me. Well I had already asked myself and felt a little resistant to answer it, not wanting to go there, not wanting to revisit, wondering if it was risky to go back to dark murky places.
A friend recently made a very deep and reflective statement when we were talking about “awareness.” She said once we know something, there is no way to go back and unknow it, once we are conscious, we cannot not be conscious about an area in our lives or another person’s even. So this morning, I thought of throwing the question to my daughter, thinking she doesn’t have my experiences and she probably wont know what I mean anyway. Expecting a quick brush off, I asked her “ What are the lies we believe that prevent us from moving forward? “ And this is what she said:
Nobody loves us, I am not pretty enough, I don’t have any friends, God isn’t working in my life, I am different from all the other kids, I can’t do anything, My parents won’t help me, I dont look like a girl because I brush my hair in the morning and when I come home its tangled!
Wow! I sat and stared with my mouth open! First words out of my mouth were “ You do realize those are just lies right?” Just wanting to make sure she wasn’t really believing any of this, or was she? She said “ Yes mummy, I know they are lies. But these are the thoughts I hear in my mind and sometimes I listen but then I pray about it and know they are not true.”
I feel relief at her response and yet feel a fire inside me. Is it anger, or passion? Probably both. It’s not right and yet everyday I encounter these self deprecating lies as I interact and connect both personally and professionally. Somedays I wake up in the morning and even before I open my eyes, these little lying monsters seem to be right there waiting for me. Often these lies are spoken over our lives repeatedly by people we depend on, trust, look up to or run with on a daily basis.
I find myself taking a quick trip down memory lane, so many little lies I too have believed over the years, now defunct, dismantled and powerless. It took a journey of vulnerability and awareness to get here. I meet people all the time, who would so love for me to step down into their web of lies and sit with them. I might even do that, but I can’t stay there. I cannot unknow the revelation I have already received. But what I can do, is give them a hand up. Come up higher. Freedom dwells here and more importantly in my world, there is truth, joy and peace. With all my